I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
