I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
