Just mADE A PArabola og urine
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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