I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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