i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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