I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
