So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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