Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
