sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
