oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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