watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
