oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
