and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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