hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
