haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
