just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
