If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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