If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
