Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
