sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
