He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
