Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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