I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
