everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
