I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
