Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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