An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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