It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
