just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
