We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
