dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
