Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
