I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
