i will never coherently bang her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
