I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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