Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
