Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
