I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
