Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
