2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
