Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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