sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
