I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
