So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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