So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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