She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
