She's JV to your varsity
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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