its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
