That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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