Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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